Random Movie Review- #8 "Mallrats"

Well after a several month hiatus, Kevin Smith's "Mallrats" made an appearance in my VCR tonight. Besides being a cult classic and featuring such stars as Shannon Doherty, Ben Affleck, Jason Lee, and Jay and Silent Bob, this has got to be one of the funniest movies every made just due to it's pure randomness and the fact that two best friends spend the entire movie together (one shouting on virtually every line- which I think is hilarious) and hardly ever talk about the same thing. Brodie keeps going on and on about comic books, while T.S. is complaining about his lost love. However, before I go any further, let me just go through the several lines in this movie that make absolutely no sense and frankly are completely out of place in a normal conversation. However, they still make me laugh.

• "Breakfast, shmeakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime. " Jason Lee says this to Shannon Doherty after she asks him to get her breakfast. The thing that is so funny about this is that Jason Lee is playing a hockey game on SEGA. This is one of two movies in my personal top 10 ("Swingers"- #5) that feature a famous scene that involve an NHL SEGA game.
• "You're gonna listen to me? To something I said? Hasn't it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?" Another great line, just because it takes place right before the climatic scene of the movie and after Brodie has been playing "expert" the entire time. This is right before the two buddies go see the fortune teller in the flea market.
• "It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child? He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him. " This exchange is the first of "randomness" that Lee displays throughout the entire movie. The mental picture created here is hilarious. The funnier thing is that this conversation leads to the two arguging about the cookie stand being in the food court or not being in the food court.
• "One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat. I said, "Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy. " This is the opening quote of the movie. I still have absolutely no idea what this quote actually means in the grand scheme of the movie.
• "That kid is BACK on the ESCALATOR again!" Brodie showing his disdain for a kid sitting down on the escalator while T.S. is exploring his options to woo his girl back.

If you haven't ever seen Mallrats, you should go into it knowing that's it's basically a spoof of the loser kids who just hang out at the mall all day (and carry around the small free sample cups like Lee's character). However, the intentional AND unintentional comedy in this movie is off the charts, and like most Kevin Smith movies, it's REALLY unrealistic. I can watch this movie a million times and catch some new quirk about one of the characters I didn't catch before making it's rewatchability off the charts as well. (I still can't figure out why Brodie abruptly checks his pulse after running from mall security- I also can't figure out the purpose of the character Willam- played by Ethan Suplee who actually currently stars in "My Name is Earl" with Jason Lee- who by the way I can never take seriously in #11- "Remember the Titans). All I can really say is if you are ever in the mood for a really really unrealistic movie that can make you laugh but at the same time scratch your head and say "what the hell?", you should really check out "Mallrats". Watch it and just think about what would REALLY happen if that happened in Northpark Mall- makes you laugh.